Recently read an article which stood out “Kids get frustrated. Stoic approaches can help.” By a Stoic Mom – Meredith
Review – Message Breakdown
In essence, she writes about the current consequences of living through a pandemic; how we all (adults and children) are stressed and struggling.
Meredith outlines that kids are prone to involuntary emotional responses that arise from deep within (otherwise known as proto-passions [Greek: propatheiai]). Though I would argue – supported by the currently immature mindset of the adult world – that this applies to everyone. Though to build a better generation, we must try to build emotional intelligence as soon as possible.
AGES BELOW 7 YEARS:
- Lack the tools to control these involuntary emotions [proto-passions/propatheiai], as they cannot access their sense of reason.
- the lack of control here can turn involuntary emotional responses, into emotional disturbance (otherwise known as passions [Greek: patheiai], i.e. desires and emotions of an irrational, unhealthy, and excessive sort).
- such as those emotions can ascend to tantrums in kids – this is not a teachable moment – words alone cannot resolve these kinds of overwhelming feelings.
AGE 7 – 9 YEARS:
- Begin to structure reasoning.
- Grows significantly at 13 years of age.
The Stoics identified the lack of emotional intelligence in ordinary people dubbing them “sick” or “insane” because their lives are blighted by toxic fears and desires. Draws on some similar themes to today wouldn’t you say? So how to build emotional intelligence for a better tomorrow?
Step One – Notice
Notice the physical changes:
- Tight chest?
- Flushing cheeks?
- Tense shoulders?
- Pain in stomach?
- Noticing anchors the mind (emotions) to the body (feelings).
- E.g. Meredith’s 7 year old daughter named the negative emotions, connecting them to a mental character, which made it easier to notice, to distance herself from the involuntary emotions [proto-passions/propatheiai], avoiding ascension to emotional disturbance [passions/patheiai]. In other words, making it easier to manage her emotions.
Step Two – Methods to Cope
Simple Stoic methods are well known already, some include:
- Count to 10
- Greeks would count their 24 character alphabet – an opportunity here to expand their knowledge as well as introduce a coping mechanism.
- Take long deep breaths
- “Belly Breaths” to kids.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
- Distancing your mind from the situation.
- Physical distancing
- Changing your environment.
- Essentially we need a break to re-engage our reasoning mind. Another lesson that can be extracted here is to not take thing personally – a critical lesson if we are to avoid the victim mentality. The idea being…
TAKE BACK THE POWER OVER A SITUATION – RATHER THAN LET IT TAKE OVER YOU
Step Three – Model It
Be a model to all those around us (not just our children). Offer guidance around building self-awareness; taking a break or return to reason. Being a model of these values is a healthy reminder to those around us; we can handle our frustrations calmly.
Written by: C. Davies
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